Quarantinewhile… A Brooklyn Pizzeria Will Deliver Comforting Words To Your Door

Quarantinewhile… Welcome to our new sub-segment Cuisinewhile, in which we examine some suspicious non-pizza menu items at a New York pizzeria. #Colbert #Meanwhile #Quarantinewhile

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42 Comments

  1. Aki nmytua on October 12, 2020 at 6:16 am

    JETPACK

  2. WillesdenHerald on October 12, 2020 at 6:17 am

    We need Stephen to fly that jetpack rescue. If chanting were allowed, "Fly the pack! Fly the pack!"

  3. AlwaysFeelingBlue on October 12, 2020 at 6:17 am

    The jetpack paramedic could still be useful if they can also carry enough supplies (without exceeding the weight limit) to keep the trapped/injured person alive and safe long enough for a chopper to get there.

  4. Weirdunclebob V on October 12, 2020 at 6:17 am

    The Kapparot ritual should be performed with money, not innocent animals. Using chickens is just one more thing that makes religion look stupid and cruel to the rest of the world. As if there aren’t enough things doing that already!

  5. Robert Hunter on October 12, 2020 at 6:18 am

    A good pizza is more comforting than paid words. I won’t get into a war on thin crust vs thick crust, because of course, thin crust is best. [Kidding!] What I really hate are boring pizzas. You know the ones, cheese and tomato paste and little else. Pizzas must be stacked, according to taste : seafood, meat-lovers, vegie or whatever. But the desert of crust, with a smudge tomato paste, cheese and maybe one topping? Forget it! That is not pizza, but blasphemous torture! It should be against the law! I had a miserable specimen like that in San Francisco once. Never again!
    Take a seafood pizza. Prawns, anchovies, finely chopped capsicum [or stronger peppers], onion, tomato, mushroom bits, some bacon, or maybe pepperoni, and of course, plenty of tomato paste and cheese. preferably Cheddar but I am not totally bigoted about it. Definitely a touch of Parmesan. For those who like blue vein or "snot" cheese, go for it but don’t serve it to me. The cheese should not be too strong or it drives all the other flavours out.
    Fear and tremblingly obey.
    Signed The pizza fascist.
    Unfortunately, Americans have a lot more to worry about than "pizza bigots like me". Stay safe everyone, and I hope you all come out the other side with health, freedom, justice and democracy, and the rule of law.

  6. timething on October 12, 2020 at 6:20 am

    Laughed my ass off. I swear all these late night monologues are a 100% better without the forced audience laughter

  7. William Pearson on October 12, 2020 at 6:24 am

    "These colors don’t run! (And neither do we)"

  8. sanjuansteve on October 12, 2020 at 6:25 am

    Religions are CRAZY and filled with radicalized bigotry!

  9. Peter Wyetzner on October 12, 2020 at 6:25 am

    Cats do care whether you live or die. They want you to die, so they can stretch out on the bed whenever they like.

  10. Lisa Gulick on October 12, 2020 at 6:25 am

    A cat’s purr is therapeutic…lowers blood pressure.

  11. ThroughMyEyes on October 12, 2020 at 6:26 am

    is that a road they are blocking? if so, dont their fellow supporters want them to be run over for it? and shouldnt they be dispersed for causing so much noise in a hospital zone? or is that only for people who are not supporters?

  12. Phil Spector on October 12, 2020 at 6:26 am

    Fuckn albatross bones, too goof

  13. bobbybigboyyes on October 12, 2020 at 6:26 am

    Trump is MAGA = Making Americans Groan Again…. Quarantinewhile England ( inventor of the jet engine ) has done it again with the Gravity Jetpack. It will be in use by our medics in all 4 nations by early 2021. Take a look.

    https://youtu.be/gtvCnZqZnxc

  14. MichaelD Walker on October 12, 2020 at 6:27 am

    Trumptard got covid, I got my ballot,… have to say, best weekend of 2020,… so far.

  15. malone sinclaire on October 12, 2020 at 6:27 am

    Boy religions have weird and inhuman rituals

  16. 848 W6sq3 on October 12, 2020 at 6:32 am

    Meanwhile in hollywood people I loathe it’s Hollywood, ….can’t wait ohhhh no I can cuase hollywood scumbags

  17. Mindy Shively on October 12, 2020 at 6:32 am

    It actually helped to hear that "Everything is gonna be ok" and " I am doing the best I can…" I kinda teared up…Now I just need my own extra large pepperoni pizza and my world will be complete.

  18. Joseph Laundry on October 12, 2020 at 6:33 am

    You don’t want your fate in the hands of creatures who don’t care whether you live or die? What about our leadership right now?

  19. Invert Your Cross on October 12, 2020 at 6:34 am

    Nice to see just John,

    that background chuckling makes the whole episode worth it, sorry Stephen

  20. David Steph on October 12, 2020 at 6:37 am

    You mentioned my home town, Melbourne! We went from over 700 daily cases down to single digits in just a few weeks because we LOVE EACH OTHER AND DO THE RIGHT FUCKING THING!

  21. Fear Nothing, Laugh Often on October 12, 2020 at 6:37 am

    Chicken in the airplane – that’s fucking clever. He found a way around it for everyone.

  22. s21972012145525 on October 12, 2020 at 6:40 am

    I’m not surprised about cats containing the antidote to covid. It’s the Batman-cat woman duo

  23. Ver on October 12, 2020 at 6:48 am

    Isn’t population reduction fun? Don’t worry. The truth will never come out.

  24. Hussam Alerhayel on October 12, 2020 at 6:49 am

    Writers are too lazy, the Jetpack joke should have ended with (he can’t take you to the hospital but you give him one dollar and he will till you that you are doing great and everything is going to be ok)

  25. Jake Mcewen on October 12, 2020 at 6:53 am

    Lies. New Yorkers know nothing but snark.

    #buttholecut

  26. Tina H on October 12, 2020 at 6:56 am

    I love Jon! ❤️ Love you to Stephen ❤️y’all bring humor and kindness to my life.

  27. Timmie Woodall on October 12, 2020 at 6:58 am

    Check my SoundCloud hit single comfort zone

  28. a35362 on October 12, 2020 at 6:58 am

    Rugrat?

  29. Gamer420life on October 12, 2020 at 6:58 am

    If only my ex was as nice as those pizza people ;/

  30. Shilpa Mistry on October 12, 2020 at 6:58 am

    Hey! My cats care if I live or die!!! ….I’m the source of food!

  31. s21972012145525 on October 12, 2020 at 7:00 am

    I don’t see any ink on his shirt

  32. malone sinclaire on October 12, 2020 at 7:04 am

    I don’t pray for his recovery…..fake bone spur…..fake medical reports….fake covid….unless he dies from it l will never believe it

  33. Rob Van Gessel on October 12, 2020 at 7:05 am
  34. Madison Sido on October 12, 2020 at 7:06 am

    The period blood red should really be a few shades darker tbh.

  35. Éamonn Ó Floinn on October 12, 2020 at 7:06 am

    It’s clear Stephen is a Republican! The border in Ireland isn’t very visible but there’s a nice, clear one going around the whole island.

  36. Still alb on October 12, 2020 at 7:08 am

    Just me? I’d pay to have Stephen reassure me that everything is going to be ok.

  37. Robert Platt on October 12, 2020 at 7:09 am

    Chickens are legally poultry, not livestock. Do you wanna be sued, Stephen?

  38. XeviousD on October 12, 2020 at 7:11 am

    2:41

    Pizza version of a Fortune Cookie.

  39. M R on October 12, 2020 at 7:11 am

    Wait… _Ireland_ says the Subway bread contains too much sugar? As a German who has tried to get decent bread in Ireland and ended up with something we would probably call cake: WTF?

  40. paulie dee on October 12, 2020 at 7:12 am

    Trump got the Coronavirus even though he and everyone around him were tested on a daily basis. Wherever he goes the place is wiped down and disinfectants are used. He has the best doctors in the world safeguarding him from the virus. Again, he still got the virus. Does anyone believe, except an asshole, the MSM’s stupid narrative that he got it because he didn’t wear a mask. Most people walk around with these cheap masks that wouldn’t protect them from the common cold. Wake-up! And why aren’t these fools wearing masks? Aren’t there cameramen filming them? Or are they running back and forth recording themselves? And when they put on their make-up, were they wearing masks? Or is Cold-beer’s cheeks naturally rosy.

  41. Shane4Bass on October 12, 2020 at 7:14 am

    Should Trump be swinging a chicken over his head?

  42. operationgnp on October 12, 2020 at 7:15 am

    man i love the creativity in his quarantinewhile intros

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